I got bad news at work. I knew it was going to make me pig out. And pig out I did.
But, newly resolved, I put one foot in front of the other toward my goals.
Fast until Saturday night? Yes, I think I will. That will make me feel better.
Keeping up
Well, I still feel wonderful. Energetic, happy, in control. I hope this doesn't go away. I don't feel like writing a long entry tonight. Just a quick post to encourage me to keep this thing active.
I'm trying to go to sleep, so I am listening to soothing music and browsing through some lovely thinspo. There are some truly beautiful women out there. I think I am a pretty lovely person, I will be lovely (like those girls) out the outside eventually.
I have so many other things going on in my life along with ana, I don't think tonight is the night to write about them, though. I'm sure this will turn into my own little e-journal eventually, but for the moment I feel like staying focused on my body for now, running behind the rest of my day to day. It's always it in the back of my mind, though, throughout the day. Like a fun secret friend just for me. It makes me happy to feel control and other people have noticed my improved additude this week. Win win.
I'm trying to go to sleep, so I am listening to soothing music and browsing through some lovely thinspo. There are some truly beautiful women out there. I think I am a pretty lovely person, I will be lovely (like those girls) out the outside eventually.
I have so many other things going on in my life along with ana, I don't think tonight is the night to write about them, though. I'm sure this will turn into my own little e-journal eventually, but for the moment I feel like staying focused on my body for now, running behind the rest of my day to day. It's always it in the back of my mind, though, throughout the day. Like a fun secret friend just for me. It makes me happy to feel control and other people have noticed my improved additude this week. Win win.
Oh, please allow me to introduce myself.
Such a strange and serious first post, without an introduction.
I can't sleep right now, so I thought a little about myself would be ok, since I have nothing else to do.
Hello. :)
I am a little cautious about putting certain details for fear a loved one might come across this page. You can call me J, for the time being. A little about myself -
As my little side bar shows, I am 22, I live in Minneapolis, but I am a transplant. I am originally from a smaller city from the heart of the Midwest. I decided to move to Minneapolis for a change of scenery and a fresh start. I have lived here about a year and I am just now starting to make changes, but progress is progress, right?
The idea of blogging is a little strange for me, and honestly, about 80 percent of my reasoning behind starting my own blog was specifically to get support and have access to the pro-ana community I stumbled upon here. But on top of that, I think it should be fun to chronicle this time in my life, as well.
I live on my own, and am working at the moment, versus going to school. I want desperately to return to school, and I plan to within the next year. My main obstacles are time and money, but I soon hope to start saving again, and perhaps by the end of this year I will have enough saved up for classes and then hopefully I can start working part time and taking classes again, part time.
A little insight into me - I'm the mothering type. I'm young, but my entire adult life, I have always been the one to take care of my friends, or (as they really should be called), my chosen family. It was hard for me to move away, but I think leaving my comfy little nest and letting my loved ones go about their lives was a good choice.
I like books and film. I love a good book that'll grab your attention and make you care about the story. I am a big movie buff, I love all kinds of off the wall films that leave you scratching your head. I love spending time with my friends, but I am not so hot on bars or clubs, so nights out are usually pretty tame for me, and honestly, half the time I AM out, I wouldn't mind just being at home with a good book or movie.
Now, a little more focused on the matter at hand - I have poor self control. I am lazy and prefer to avoid a lot of activity. I am a binger. If you were to put a super deluxe family pack of cookies or chips in front of me, I would not be satisfied with a couple, a handful. I would no doubt (in private) wolf down the whole thing. I have let food and eating take control over me and I am DETERMINED to take back that control.
This was my first fast. It came seemingly out of nowhere, but it was an eye-opener. I can do this. Why was I so afraid? My plan is to fast and calorie count my way to control again. I will be thin and beautiful and it will be all my own doing. I have the power. I am going to start out slow - so here is my plan (if anyone from the community should read this, please please feel free to give me advice or pointers):
I am going to start with a plan for a week at a time. Come the end of the week, I will start planning for the next. Short term plans for my long term goal.
This week -
Just coming off of a three day fast, I have decided to eat and test out scheduling for myself:
Monday - 500 calories + 45 minute of light exercise (minimum)
Tuesday - 300 calories + 30 minutes of exercise
Wednesday - fast
Thursday - 300 calories + 45 minutes exercise (min)
Friday - fast
Saturday - 500 calories (I will almost certainly be going out with friends, and I fear eating will be unavoidable just yet) + 1 hour exercise
Sunday - fast
I think that is reasonable, no? I am starting the plans off nice and slow so as not to discourage myself. I'm a quitter. If I think something will get too hard, I quit, but I am determined not to let myself fall into that this time. I am strangely optimistic, even. Heck - If the mood strikes me, I may fast on Tuesday yet, I will have to see how I feel. The whole while I will still be taking my supplements, vitamins and energy and metabolism boosters, so this week should be interesting and hopefully encouraging.
I can't sleep right now, so I thought a little about myself would be ok, since I have nothing else to do.
Hello. :)
I am a little cautious about putting certain details for fear a loved one might come across this page. You can call me J, for the time being. A little about myself -
As my little side bar shows, I am 22, I live in Minneapolis, but I am a transplant. I am originally from a smaller city from the heart of the Midwest. I decided to move to Minneapolis for a change of scenery and a fresh start. I have lived here about a year and I am just now starting to make changes, but progress is progress, right?
The idea of blogging is a little strange for me, and honestly, about 80 percent of my reasoning behind starting my own blog was specifically to get support and have access to the pro-ana community I stumbled upon here. But on top of that, I think it should be fun to chronicle this time in my life, as well.
I live on my own, and am working at the moment, versus going to school. I want desperately to return to school, and I plan to within the next year. My main obstacles are time and money, but I soon hope to start saving again, and perhaps by the end of this year I will have enough saved up for classes and then hopefully I can start working part time and taking classes again, part time.
A little insight into me - I'm the mothering type. I'm young, but my entire adult life, I have always been the one to take care of my friends, or (as they really should be called), my chosen family. It was hard for me to move away, but I think leaving my comfy little nest and letting my loved ones go about their lives was a good choice.
I like books and film. I love a good book that'll grab your attention and make you care about the story. I am a big movie buff, I love all kinds of off the wall films that leave you scratching your head. I love spending time with my friends, but I am not so hot on bars or clubs, so nights out are usually pretty tame for me, and honestly, half the time I AM out, I wouldn't mind just being at home with a good book or movie.
Now, a little more focused on the matter at hand - I have poor self control. I am lazy and prefer to avoid a lot of activity. I am a binger. If you were to put a super deluxe family pack of cookies or chips in front of me, I would not be satisfied with a couple, a handful. I would no doubt (in private) wolf down the whole thing. I have let food and eating take control over me and I am DETERMINED to take back that control.
This was my first fast. It came seemingly out of nowhere, but it was an eye-opener. I can do this. Why was I so afraid? My plan is to fast and calorie count my way to control again. I will be thin and beautiful and it will be all my own doing. I have the power. I am going to start out slow - so here is my plan (if anyone from the community should read this, please please feel free to give me advice or pointers):
I am going to start with a plan for a week at a time. Come the end of the week, I will start planning for the next. Short term plans for my long term goal.
This week -
Just coming off of a three day fast, I have decided to eat and test out scheduling for myself:
Monday - 500 calories + 45 minute of light exercise (minimum)
Tuesday - 300 calories + 30 minutes of exercise
Wednesday - fast
Thursday - 300 calories + 45 minutes exercise (min)
Friday - fast
Saturday - 500 calories (I will almost certainly be going out with friends, and I fear eating will be unavoidable just yet) + 1 hour exercise
Sunday - fast
I think that is reasonable, no? I am starting the plans off nice and slow so as not to discourage myself. I'm a quitter. If I think something will get too hard, I quit, but I am determined not to let myself fall into that this time. I am strangely optimistic, even. Heck - If the mood strikes me, I may fast on Tuesday yet, I will have to see how I feel. The whole while I will still be taking my supplements, vitamins and energy and metabolism boosters, so this week should be interesting and hopefully encouraging.
My first post...
This is all very new to me.
... I am happier than I have been in a long time.
I have ALWAYS been horrendously fat, and now I finally feel like I have some control. I was bulemic in high school, but I hated that feeling of eating eating eating, even if I threw it all up afterwards.
I can control food, now. Or at least, that is what I am trying to do, and it feels so... right. One night last week it just occured to me, this is the right decision for me. I have had nothing solid pass my lips in just over three days now, and feel fantastic.
At most I have had 20-35 calories each day, and those are from sugar free drink mixes I have put in my water, just for a little flavor. I have been drinking a lot of water. I also have been taking supplements and energy and metabolism-boosting vitamins as well, and I have never felt healthier. I was so worried I would feel tired or weak, but no... It's wonderful.
Last night I almost ate something. One of my neighbors gave me a banana to snack on while I was hanging out with her, and I said I would take it home and eat it later. I know it was only just over 100 calories but I still didn't want to eat it. I took it home, laid it on my coffee table, looked at it, and ever started to peel it... but then I realized - I wasn't hungry. Why eat it? I didn't need it. I wanted it - but wanting to eat is the reason I am the way I am.
When I tossed out that bit of food I felt so empowered, like I may finally end up getting control of my body. I was thinking about eating tonight, as well. I even set up a little meal for myself, should I need it. 100 calories worth of fish, 50 in dry ceral and a fun sized candy bar as a treat (a reward, I told myself, for maintaining my fast) but then I thought - rewarding myself with food? Isn't that part of the problem?
I still don't feel the need to eat, hopefully I can make this first, wonderful fast last a few more days before I need to eat something.
I have to work tomorrow, and work is EXTREMELY stressful, which will make me want to eat. Also, I do feel just the tiniest bit fuzzy after a lot of activity, so I am worried I may get that way at work. To be on the safe side I am bringing a few safe foods with me, if I do need them. Just a baggie of dry, unsweetened ceral which promises to be filling if needed, 150 cals worth. I also packed a few drink mixes as well, because I know the sweet flavor will help calm cravings.
Enough about this, though. I want to thank all of the wonderful pro-ana girls who's blogs have helped me sharpen up my plans for myself. Your posts, pictures, food and exercise plans have been SUCH an inspiration to me and my newfound path. I hope that the handful of you that are offering support to other pro-ana girls (and guys, of course) will help me along my way, too. Could it be possible??? - Getting thin and beautiful AND making new friends? Oh, it may just be too good to be true.
... I am happier than I have been in a long time.
I have ALWAYS been horrendously fat, and now I finally feel like I have some control. I was bulemic in high school, but I hated that feeling of eating eating eating, even if I threw it all up afterwards.
I can control food, now. Or at least, that is what I am trying to do, and it feels so... right. One night last week it just occured to me, this is the right decision for me. I have had nothing solid pass my lips in just over three days now, and feel fantastic.
At most I have had 20-35 calories each day, and those are from sugar free drink mixes I have put in my water, just for a little flavor. I have been drinking a lot of water. I also have been taking supplements and energy and metabolism-boosting vitamins as well, and I have never felt healthier. I was so worried I would feel tired or weak, but no... It's wonderful.
Last night I almost ate something. One of my neighbors gave me a banana to snack on while I was hanging out with her, and I said I would take it home and eat it later. I know it was only just over 100 calories but I still didn't want to eat it. I took it home, laid it on my coffee table, looked at it, and ever started to peel it... but then I realized - I wasn't hungry. Why eat it? I didn't need it. I wanted it - but wanting to eat is the reason I am the way I am.
When I tossed out that bit of food I felt so empowered, like I may finally end up getting control of my body. I was thinking about eating tonight, as well. I even set up a little meal for myself, should I need it. 100 calories worth of fish, 50 in dry ceral and a fun sized candy bar as a treat (a reward, I told myself, for maintaining my fast) but then I thought - rewarding myself with food? Isn't that part of the problem?
I still don't feel the need to eat, hopefully I can make this first, wonderful fast last a few more days before I need to eat something.
I have to work tomorrow, and work is EXTREMELY stressful, which will make me want to eat. Also, I do feel just the tiniest bit fuzzy after a lot of activity, so I am worried I may get that way at work. To be on the safe side I am bringing a few safe foods with me, if I do need them. Just a baggie of dry, unsweetened ceral which promises to be filling if needed, 150 cals worth. I also packed a few drink mixes as well, because I know the sweet flavor will help calm cravings.
Enough about this, though. I want to thank all of the wonderful pro-ana girls who's blogs have helped me sharpen up my plans for myself. Your posts, pictures, food and exercise plans have been SUCH an inspiration to me and my newfound path. I hope that the handful of you that are offering support to other pro-ana girls (and guys, of course) will help me along my way, too. Could it be possible??? - Getting thin and beautiful AND making new friends? Oh, it may just be too good to be true.
